Thursday, December 14, 2006
im more twisted after the sem is over..tot id never write again..but then again..sadistic me cant help it..so here we go again..im feeling hopeless..Let's list down as if it's fun to do so ;D
- Im afraid to love
- Im afraid to trust
- Im afraid to hope
- Im afraid to be happy
- Im afraid to have feelings
- ETC
SO..im annoucing my cowardice.. Im sorry things are not working out the way they should.. And guess what.. Down With Love ; Im down alryte.. So.. the reason is ME.. but the thing is just <3
If i dun get it.. well.. i screwd up.. SO now.. Im bonded.. but im tryin not to be so bonded.. altho bonded.. heyy.. twisted.. *bored* So lemme see.. I AM AFRAID OF EVERYTHING.
Altho i must admit.. He changed..I mean..Never had he replied ANY txt msges if he felt asleep..Yesterday night, i gave up.. I told myself goddammit how stupid i was!! Im falling back for him.. So i pull that cold hearted cover back again.. Throw the cellphone away from me.. I dont want anything anemo.. Nuthin.. Then.. early morning.. I got a replied.. WITH 'sorry..'... It was pretty much a miracle.. He wud never do stuff like dat.. i duno.. found him become a more..a lot more..a forgiving person.. I tot he;d just ignore me o smthg.. then.. naa.. he did not.. erghhh.. so since he chaged a LOT.. i got these hope flutterin like butterflies... which i think represents myWEAKNESS.. and well.. a lot of other things he did made i think.. OMG is this guy is for real or just another sweet talker or faker or his fren makin som huge 'funey' joke... wen i doubted.. he was.. more like.. not pissin.. but instead askin me to bliv.. which is UNUSUAL.. okay..so dats it.. i think..
However...... Im tryin not to be so fragile... I know I am one now..Ever..About the recent 'hope-heart-trust broken' discovery...I have not even shed a tear.. Not even once.. Im just not ready.. Not ready to be sad.. Not ready to cry.. Altho inside it's torturing.. but i know once a tear is shed.. Imma lose it.. I cant lose myself.. *as if im not now..* it just.. hurts.. it hurts to want something or someone.. Im doing all silly things.. I will definitely destroy myself in the end.. Ther's no questionin in tat.. Well..
If I am alone.. It is fine with me..Im not scared..But if Im not sure..Like this..Then..Im afraid..Im afraid to be alone....There you go..People do love themselves more when they love somebody eh.. <3
once loved.
8:58 PM
